The God Of Small Things

What makes you happy? What possibly can make you happy? Is it the accomplishment of a goal or achievement of something that you always asked for? I feel its relative. It tends to vary from person to person. As I am not a professional psychiatrist, I will talk about myself. However, I have a feeling that people who shared my kind of upbringing and values will definitely agree at some points.

I have grown up in a small town, in a middle class family where less was more. Now I am growing up in a larger town, own a middle class family where more is less. I have been like this for a long time now. However, I had been influenced by a person in a big way - for good. I am an improved person now, but still there are some things that were never exposed to the person in question so they are just hanging around. People around me feel that I have matured, have immense patience and never show off emotions easily. But there are certain other things that have cropped up, and growing. I am into a phase where more is indeed less.

I have grown in patience but my quest for the next big thing is increasing by the moment. The only question I keep asking myself is: Great, What Next? I am enjoying a rather successful career. Wait, I beg to differ with the word "enjoying". Once I wanted to work with the "best company"(another relative thing) in the world, I did. Once I got into it, I thought What Next? I worked harder, tried to prove myself among a bunch of super-minds, got it done, What Next? I wanted to work for a huge bank(currently world #1 in terms of assets), joined it, and currently working for it. Learned quite a few investment banking skills, now what next? The next thing in my mind is to assume a big and influential role in the organization. I am working hard to achieve it.

The question remains the same - What Next? Is there any upper limit to ambition? Am I doing anything strange that others aren't? I don't think its a problem. I think its a bliss. But for how long? What if I indulge too much into it? What if it spills over to other aspects of my life? I hope its good for me and my family as long its with my career.

When I was in school, I used to get happy when I managed to get a day off from school. Weekends were the best part, but if I could manage a weekday, I used to be very happy. I could do a lot of things. I was in a habit of exploring, so I used to explore the already visited areas of my neighborhood and tried to find something new. A new face or an old friend was enough for the day. So finding people used to make me happy. People were very important to me, I used to give all my toys to my friends and cousins so that they can spend whole day with me. In fact they have played with my toys more than I ever did. But I was happy because I wanted to be with them.

Gradually the toys gained importance in my life. I started to lose my friends and cousins since then. These things are known to keep you away from humans. But reality is that toys can never replace humans.

I can still remember the day when I was insisting my father to buy me a computer. He said: Thanks to God that you are studying Computers; what if you had decided to study Aeronautics? I would have to buy a plane for you!!! It took me about 2 months to get it. It was my prized possession.

But only after 2 months I thought - What Next? That was the end of small town me. Then I fell in love. Got it too, but lost it because I didn't deserve it. That episode changed a lot of me for good.

Never mind, realization is the bliss. The fact that I am writing about it makes me aware of it. The inner turmoil will be put to rest soon once I achieve my next objective.

You will be happy once you start to enjoy the small things in your life. The day a new flower in your balcony puts a smile on your face is the day you should be looking for. Money, fame and power can never make anybody happy. There is no upper limit to beauty, money, fame and power. There is no upper limit to lust. There is no upper limit to ambition. But there is a upper limit to the number of words I can write here!!! So, take care, and look within.